FSI: Loser Lounge Number 3

FSI



"Last time on Fox-and-Squirrel Island!" Mr. Director said happily walking onto the dock. "Our last challenge before the finals! The ultimate test of endurance, pain, and disgust! Our final three! Bunny! Fox! And Squirrel! Who will win? Who will go down in failure?  All that was found out last week on Fox-and-Squirrel Island! While Bunny swallowed the cockroach and Fox licked the toilet, Squirrel was being burned alive in hot wax. But pain reared its ugly head when Fox bungee jumped into the ground and Bunny exploded in landmines. Squirrel managed to tick every wasp in sight off so that he got the sting of a lifetime. When the Game Master's dare wasn't so great, Bunny had to drink the beastly beverage. Squirrel got spit-balled while Fox and Bunny were forced into the hug of death. Bunny flossed with afro hair and Squirrel washed down on soap. Fox got strummed as the electric guitar while Bunny plunged into a tank full of poo. While Bunny took her afternoon bath, we took Squirrel to get booted by Miss Fortune's rank stank boot. Fox drank fishing equipment and Bunny was forced to kiss Dork Vader. Bunny ultimately refused when she ran to steal the million dollars but ended up falling mouth to mouth on Dork Vader. Bunny was eliminated in the most not-so-dramatic episode yet! She spat in rage and bitter anger and was sent to the Loser Lounge, away from FSI! FOR GOOD!!! Leaving Fox and Squirrel as our bottom two! And now for the moment you've all been waiting for… I'm pleased to announce that the finals will be shown…. Next week!" Mr. Director hopped onto the Jet Ski sitting next to the dock. "We're going to make one final return to meet the Losers! Right here! Right now! On Fox-and-Squirrel Island! And I admit I regret that title now!" Mr. Director sped off on his Jet Ski, away from FSI.



***

Mr. Director pulled into the Loser Lounge for the third time on FSI.

He hopped off and stepped onto the beautiful resort.

The Loser Lounge was a beautiful, ocean-side vista with gorgeous palm trees and sparkling waters.

Mr. Director happily walked over to entrance to meet up with the Losers.



***

In the entrance, there was a pool with a pool-side bar. The pool expanded to the left in a deeper area with a diving board. There was a buffet table piled with food to the right of the pool and also a weight training area. The hotels looked over the pool to the north.

Spike, Doggy Grandma, Mr. Puzzle, Puzzle, Batty, Tonya, and Bunny were all seated at the pool-side bar.

Richard sat on top of the diving board, overlooking everyone.

Grandpa Frank sat at the edge of the pool with his feet in the water.

Izzy, PigMaster DJ, Otter, and the Game Master all swam about in the pool.

Bull lifted weights at the weight training area.

Dork Vader, Slick, and Miss Fortune were eating food at the buffet tables.

"Hello Losers!" Mr. Director said smiling.

"Hello." Mr. Puzzle said.

"Hey!" PigMaster DJ said waving happily.

"Ugh!" Bunny grunted. "I should not be here!"

"Get over yourself." Miss Fortune said eating sushi.

"Why should I?" Bunny snapped. "It's your stupid fault that I'm even here!"

"Not really." Miss Fortune said. "You went crazy over the money."

"MONEY!" Slick wailed.

Slick broke down in tears.

"And then you kissed Dork Vader." Miss Fortune said.

"Oh that was awesome!" Dork Vader said with hearts in his eyes.

"SHOOSH! Don't speak of that!!!" Bunny yelled.

"Ha-ha I see we're all getting situated here!" Mr. Director said. "I'm just going to ask you a few questions and then I'll be on my way!"

"Kind of like you always do." Richard said sarcastically.

"Yep!" Mr. Director said happily. "For now I just want to know how you each feel about your elimination!"

"Well I've had it the worst!" Bunny yelled. "Mine was uncalled for and completely stupid!"

"Yeah, but at least you weren't booted first…" Puzzle said.

"Puzzle you left on your own accord." Mr. Puzzle said.

Puzzle blinked.

"Oh yeah…" Puzzle said.

"Well I got eliminated after that because of that guy!!!" Bull screamed pointing at Slick.

"You were useless to me and had to be booted." Slick said carelessly.

"Nacho coat hangers make great insulators!" Otter yelled.

"Oh yeah, and then Otter left huh." Slick groaned.

"He was useless to me." Bunny said. "I just had to give him the boot."

"He-he… Purrty…" Otter said floating closer to Bunny.

Bunny held onto Batty.

Batty rolled his eyes.

"Who left after Otter again?" Puzzle asked.

"I dunno." Doggy Grandma said shrugging.

"Maybe it was a prize challenge?" Bunny said.

"HEY!" Richard screamed from on top of the diving board.

Everyone stared blankly.

"What do you want short stuff?" Spike asked.

"I left then!" Richard screamed. "I was booted fourth! Whoa! No! I'm losing my balance!"

Richard fell in the pool in a splash.

Everyone stared blankly.

"Oh well," PigMaster DJ said shrugging. "I can't remember anyway."

"I got the boot next!" Doggy Grandma said waving.

"Wow, I'm surprised you remembered." Batty said.

"Yup! Me too!" Doggy Grandma said grinning.

"Then who left?" Bull asked walking over to the pool.

Izzy looked around at everyone and whistled.

"Hmm…" Miss Fortune said scratching her chin.

"Oh yeah! Izzy left!" Tonya said. "I remember because Squirrel was sad after that!"

Izzy bit her lip annoyed.

"Then Mr. Puzzle left on Mr. Puzzle's own accord." Mr. Puzzle said grinning.

"Yeah! And if you wouldn't have left, Fox wouldn't be in the final two!" Bunny snapped.

"So very sorry." Mr. Puzzle said grinning.

Bunny rolled her eyes.

"And then I got the boot." PigMaster DJ sighed. "Unfairly… Everyone booted me because I lost us the challenge…"

"Yeah you tub of fat!" Bunny yelled.

"Well I think my boot was probably the worst!" the Game Master whined.

"No! Mine was!" Slick yelled.

"No mine!" Bunny snapped.

"SHUT UP!" the Game Master yelled.

Everyone went silent.

"Mine was the worst because everyone humiliated me! On live television!" the Game Master yelled.

"Us too!" Bunny and Slick snapped.

"I think mine was the worst!" Tonya whined.

"YES!" Richard, Bull, Batty, Spike, and PigMaster DJ said.

Tonya pouted but then smiled.

"Well I came back at least!" Tonya said.

"Hold it Blondie!" Izzy said annoyed. "I came back first!!!"

"Who cares!" everyone yelled.

Izzy rolled her eyes.

"You're just all jealous I was a hostess of the interview show." Izzy said laughing.

"Yes, the interview show, where Fox humiliated you." Richard said.

"SHUT UP!" Izzy screamed.

"I was more humiliated in that show than Izzy was!" the Game Master piped in. "Fox brought me back on the show just to torture me and then booted me instantly!"

"Oh suck it up!" Grandpa Frank yelled.

"Hey! You were eliminated next weren't you?" Spike said.

"Why does that matter?" Grandpa Frank asked looking away annoyed.

"It doesn't." Slick said.

"Yeah you're really boring." Puzzle said.

"And wrinkly!" Tonya gasped.

Grandpa Frank stood up.

"I'm out of here." Grandpa Frank snorted.

He walked over to the buffet table and shoved Slick and Miss Fortune away.

"Then who left?" Miss Fortune asked.

"MY DEAR SWEET BATTY!" Bunny cried squeezing Batty.

Batty grunted to escape.

"Don't remind me…" Miss Fortune said annoyed.

Dork Vader grinned.

Batty jumped out of Bunny's reach and crashed in the pool.

He surfaced for air.

"You all saw that episode!" Batty yelled. "Dork Vader cheated and got rid of me!"

"He did?" PigMaster DJ asked surprised.

"What?" Slick asked.

"Who's Dork Vader?" Tonya asked.

Dork Vader blinked and shrugged.

Batty rolled his eyes.

"Oh yeah! And I returned!" Tonya said clapping.

"Then I left." Dork Vader said. "Because someone couldn't handle the love!"

"Ugh as if!" Bunny snorted.

"Then the next week I came back!" Puzzle said clapping.

"Puzzle, you were only temporary." Mr. Puzzle said. "As was Richard, Doggy Grandma, and the Game Master."

"But I will return to the show!" the Game Master yelled. "For real this time!"

"Uhuh, whatever helps you sleep at night." Izzy said.

"As a matter of fact it does!" the Game Master yelled.

Everyone blinked.

"Don't forget my elimination." Spike said breaking the silence.

"Oh like you were important." Slick said.

"Hey! Bunny and her stupid alliance booted me!" Spike yelled.

"Not really!" Bunny yelled. "I still think it was mostly Squirrel's fault!"

Spike rolled his eyes.

"I don't care!" he yelled. "You both suck! You and your pathetic alliance!"

"I am not pathetic!" Miss Fortune snapped. "Though I do regret ever joining Bunny's alliance."

Bunny bit her lip in rage.

"Let's not forget that YOU were next to be booted!" Bunny yelled.

"I'm okay with it only because you're here too!" Miss Fortune laughed.

Bunny jumped in the water.

"I am done with you pathetic excuses for competitors!" Bunny yelled.

She waded out of the pool and walked over to the weight training area.

"You were just too obsessed with Fox, that's why you were eliminated." Slick said shrugging.

"Some call it obsessity. I call it true love." Miss Fortune said dreamingly.

"Sure, if love involves handcuffs!" Slick laughed.

"Oh it does!" Izzy said. "But some people couldn't keep their handcuffs to themselves!" Izzy yelled at Tonya.

"Okay I am so lost." Tonya said in a daze. "I don't even own handcuffs!"

Izzy slapped herself.

"Whatever! You were eliminated!" Izzy yelled.

"Then you were Izzy." Slick said.

"No!" Izzy snapped. "You were!"

"And I shouldn't have! I should still be competing! I WANT MY MONEY!!!" Slick screamed.

Everyone stared blankly.

"And THEN I was booted." Izzy said. "Rather unfairly though."

"Oh please if you were a real girl, you'd of had a mirror on you!" Bunny said.

"If I was a real girl would I also had taken a bath in a septic tank or eaten a cockroach!?" Izzy yelled.

"Why you little!" Bunny yelled.

Bunny charged at the pool and tackled Izzy.

The two fought and fought.

Batty, Richard, PigMaster DJ, and the Game Master all hopped out of the pool as the two fought.

"Bunny left," Mr. Puzzle said. "And then there were two."

"Two contestants! And one million dollars standing in their way!" Mr. Director said appearing again.

"Not two!" the Game Master yelled. "THREE!"

Mr. Director blinked.

"Uh, dude, Fox and Squirrel are the only two still competing." Mr. Director said.

"NO!" the Game Master screamed. "I will return to the show!!!"

"You can't just get back on the show during the finals." Spike said.

"Says you!" the Game Master screamed.

"And your contract but whatever." Mr. Director said.

"I will return! I will beat Fox! I WILL!" the Game Master screamed.

The Game Master ran off in a screaming rage.

Everyone stared blankly.

"Well he's lost." Mr. Director said. "We'll be right back after the commercial break!"



***

All the Losers were about the Loser Lounge.

Puzzle, Mr. Puzzle, and Doggy Grandma sat at the poolside bar.

Bull and Spike were playing Frisbee next to the pool.

Batty was making out with Tonya in the bushes.

Bunny was talking strategically to herself and pacing next to the pool.

Richard, Otter, and Dork Vader were wading in the pool.

Slick, PigMaster DJ, and Izzy were placing food from the buffet tables onto their plates.

Grandpa Frank sat in a long chair annoyed. Miss Fortune was lying on another long chair across from him while sunbathing.

The Game Master wasn't in sight.

Mr. Director walked into the scene, grinning evilly.

"Losers!" Mr. Director yelled.

Bunny stopped in her tracks and looked over.

Grandpa Frank and Miss Fortune looked up.

Bull and Spike froze. The Frisbee smacked Spike in the head.

Batty and Tonya kept making out.

"Thank you," Mr. Director said happily. "Now, I need to know from each and every one of you, who YOU think deserves to win the million. Fox? Or Squirrel? You can carry on with your normal failure lives but you need to tell us who and why sometime!"

Everyone wither rolled their eyes or looked confused.



***

"I think I should be first to answer." Spike groaned, tossing the Frisbee to Bull. "I think Fox deserves to win! Why? Because I know Fox wouldn't blow the money on something completely stupid like Squirrel would! And I'm still kinda ticked off at Squirrel because he listened to Bunny and got ME booted off! If he wouldn't have, I'd still be in the competition!"

The Frisbee flew back and Spike caught it.

"Well I have to agree with you!" Bull yelled from afar. "I think Squirrel should lose! I mean, I have a lot of hate on that puny idiot! I don't care who wins really, I just want to see Squirrel lose!!!"

Bull stomped the tiled floors in rage.



***

Izzy was chewing a steak and sitting at a table alone.

The camera zoomed in on her face.

She blinked and gave a glare.

"What are you looking at!?" Izzy roared through bites.

Izzy blinked.

"Oh right!" Izzy said swallowing her food. "Well it's a no-brainer who I want to win! My choice would go to my Squirrely-Poo! He's just the most awesome boyfriend I could ever have! He'd definitely be my first choice out of everyone here! And besides, Fox is a lousy competitor! I want to see him go down so bad! Man I can't wait to see him cry!!!"

Izzy took her plate and vacuumed everything on it into her stomach.

"Now leave me alone!" Izzy snapped.



***

"Who do I want to win?" Grandpa Frank asked looking up. "Fox, Why? Because he's not Squirrel!"

"Oh yes! Definitely Fox!" Miss Fortune agreed quickly. "He would make a great millionaire! How do I know so? Because in Section 9 of my fantasy dream cabinet, I have a file under Fox becoming a millionaire and taking me, his lovely and delightful girlfriend, to a fancy classical city where we will grow up in the biggest mansion and have-"

"Okay I've heard enough!" Grandpa Frank yelled annoyed. "Sheesh is everyone here insane?"

Grandpa Frank stormed off in a bitter attitude.

Miss Fortune blinked.

"As I was saying," Miss Fortune said. "We'd purchase a monument and-"



***

"The answers gotta be Squirrel," Slick said shrugging, carrying a plate of food to the pool-side bar. "Why do you ask? Well because Fox is a plain-out jerk. He walked away to the finals after having two close-calls from being eliminated!"

"Three actually." Mr. Puzzle said scooting over so Slick could sit down.

"Three close-calls from being eliminated!" Slick yelled correcting himself. "Not to mention he declined my request to join his 'Guys Alliance'!"

"The alliance would have been destroyed if Slick had joined." Mr. Puzzle said promptly.

"Oh yeah? Well then who do you think deserves the million?" Slick asked annoyed.

"Mr. Puzzle already knows who will win the million." Mr. Puzzle said. "But to avoid spoilers, Mr. Puzzle will not tell who Mr. Puzzle wants to win."

"Hey!" Slick yelled. "Mr. Director said you have to tell us who you want to win!"

Mr. Director walked up with a contract.

"Frankly, I don't care in Mr. Puzzle's case." Mr. Director said. "If he were to give out spoilers, than we'd get fewer ratings!"

Mr. Director walked off.

Mr. Puzzle grinned.

"Ugh! Whatever…" Slick groaned.

"Oh! Oh! Pick me!" Puzzle said waving his arm rapidly.

"Yes Puzzle?" Mr. Puzzle asked annoyed.

"I want Squirrel to win!" Puzzle said happily.

"Mr. Puzzle knows Puzzle does." Mr. Puzzle said.



***

"And then we'd purchase three grand pianos!" Miss Fortune said happily. "One in our room, one in the main entrance, and one in the grand bathroom! Oh wait, scratch that! The grand closet! I've always wanted to grab my coat while listening to the sound of-"



***

Batty and Tonya continued making out in the bushes.

"Why are we in here again?" Tonya whispered.

"To avoid Bunny." Batty groaned.

"Why did you make me use mouth wash seventy times again?" Tonya asked.

"Because I don't want the taste of Squirrel!" Batty grunted.

"Oh right…" Tonya said. "Wait?! I ate Squirrel!?"

Batty face-palmed himself.

"Egh, I wish." Batty groaned. "I seriously do not want HIM to walk away with one million bucks."

"Oh, but why not?" Tonya asked.

"Because he's a stupid annoying idiot!" Batty roared.

"Is that seriously the only reason why you hate him? Tonya asked.

"No! He also kissed you!" Batty yelled.

"Actually," Tonya said. "I kissed hi-"

"Not to mention that he's one of the main reasons Izzy came back!" Batty groaned.


"And we didn't kiss just once," Tonya said. "It was more like ni-"

"And he won't stop talking!" Batty yelled. "But I guess that just goes along with the 'annoying' part…"

Tonya blinked.

"Right…" Tonya said. "Well I think he does deserve to win!"

"Why's that?" Batty asked.

"Well," Tonya said. "Squirrel is-"

"Let's stop talking about that idiot and keep kissing." Batty said.

Batty grabbed Tonya and the two continue to make out.



***

"Who do I want to win?" Richard asked hopping onto the side of the pool. "Squirrel. Why? Because he's not Fox!"

"That's as easy as an answer gets huh?" PigMaster DJ asked walking by with a plate of food.

"Why yes it is!" Richard yelled. "Fox cooked me in an oven, fed me to the host, and then booted me!!! Why wouldn't I have a reason to seek my revenge?!"

"I dunno, but in all honesty, I have to agree with you." PigMaster DJ said sitting down next to Richard, while eating his food. "Fox is a pain and barley managed to last on the show."

"And…" Richard said.

"And what?" PigMaster DJ asked.

"HE COOKED ME ALIVE!" Richard screamed.



***

"And then we'll sit atop our master fountain and hold hands in the shining glory that is romance!" Miss Fortune screamed joyfully.



***

"Ugh, as much as it pains me to say it, I think Squirrel deserves to win!" Bunny yelled annoyed.

"Whatever you say I agree with!" Dork Vader said happily.

Bunny slapped Dork Vader away and continued.

"Fox should have left at the beginning of the show!" she yelled. "But no, he got to stay because some people wanted to leave that badly!!! And did it happen again? Why yes! It did! Ugh! How stupid can it get!? Fox managed to make it to the finals! Ahead of me! How did this happen?!"

"Miss Fortune dared you to kiss me remember?" Dork Vader asked approaching Bunny.

Bunny snapped her fingers.

"That excuse for an alliance member!!!" Bunny screamed.

She trampled over Dork Vader and went to find Miss Fortune.



***

"I think Squirrel should win!" Doggy Grandma said happily.

"Really?" Slick asked surprised. "Why?"

"Because during my time on the show, Squirrel was a sure-party-animal!"  Doggy Grandma said drunkly. "I know it seems like nothin' but that sonnie sure didn't bother me one bit!"

Slick blinked.

"Okay then." Slick said.



***

"And then we'll dance under the moonlight!!!" Miss Fortune screamed with joy. "Allow me to demonstrate…"

Bunny charged at Miss Fortune.

"YOU ARE SO DEAD!" Bunny yelled.

Miss Fortune kicked up her leg and smacked Bunny in the face.

Bunny twirled and fell to the ground unconscious.

"And after I kick my boot leg into the air, Fox will catch me and take me away in his Ferrari!" Miss Fortune screeched happily.

Dork Vader raced over to Bunny.

"Oh my gosh, Bunny no!" Dork Vader screamed.

Dork Vader leaned over Bunny.

"Thank god I know mouth to mouth!" Dork Vader said.



***

Mr. Director paced around next to the pool.

Otter floated close by.

"Oh yeah, uh, Otter, who do you think deserves to win?" Mr. Director asked half-heartedly.

"CHICKEN MAN!" Otter screamed randomly.

Mr. Director blinked.

"Alrighty then…" Mr. Director said walking off confused.



***

"Ugh... Where am I?" Bunny asked waking up in a daze.

"You're at the Loser Lounge remember?" Dork Vader said holding Bunny's head up.

"No I know that but where am I?!" Bunny roared.

"You're next to the pool," Dork Vader said. "You fainted because Miss Fortune kicked you and I had to give you mouth to mouth!"

Bunny punched Dork Vader.

"MOUTH TO MOUTH ISN'T NESISSARY WHEN SOMEONE FAINTS FROM BEING KICKED!!!" Bunny screamed.

"To me it is." Dork Vader said happily.

"UGH!" Bunny roared stomping off.



***

The Game Master walked close to the buffet tables clutching his arms annoyed.

"Ah the guy who bailed because he threw a fit over the competition!" Richard mocked.

"Shut up." The Game Master said promptly. "And for your information, I just took some medication and now I'm calm!"

"Oh yeah?" Richard asked. "Then who do you want to see win the million bucks?"

"ME! I WILL WIN THE MILLION! I WILL GET BACK ON THE SHOW! I WILL!" the Game Master screamed.

Mr. Director walked onto the scene.

"Well there you have it." Mr. Director said. "Some Losers want Fox to win, while others want Squirrel to win. And one Loser wants himself to win apparently."

"I WILL WIN!!!" the Game Master roared.

"Whatever," Mr. Director said annoyed. "But for now, I want to remind all of you about one thing!"

All the Losers gathered around Mr. Director.

"Next week we will have our grand finale challenge!" Mr. Director said excitedly. "And we will finally declare the winner of Fox-and-Squirrel Island! FINALLY!"

Puzzle, Bull, Richard, Doggy Grandma, Izzy, Mr. Puzzle, PigMaster DJ, Tonya, Dork Vader, Spike, and Miss Fortune all clapped.

The Game Master, Bunny, Batty, Slick, and Grandpa Frank didn't look very happy.

"So be sure to tune into the most DRAMATIC episode yet! Next week! On Fox-and-Squirrel Island!!!" Mr. Director cheered.

Fireworks sparked above the Loser Lounge.